Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
