My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
