I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
