i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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