I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
