i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
