drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
