I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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