i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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