There is no way he is gay with that hair.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
