and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize