toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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