i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
