OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
