So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
