Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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