But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
