There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
