dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
