why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
