....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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