my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
