It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
