I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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