my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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