put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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