Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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