And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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