I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm getting married
To pizza
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
