Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
a search helicopter?!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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