Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
