oh god the rape fog is back!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
