fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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