4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Randomize
