So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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