She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
