I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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