she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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