Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
