im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
