yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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