Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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