I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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