I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you would pick up someone in the library
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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