We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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