did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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