alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
