I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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