So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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