The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
why do cheetos always look like penises
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
