I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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