You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
