If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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