You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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