Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
