I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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