yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
