Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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