my shit smells like andre
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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