Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
