also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
