Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize