Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
