please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
bring money and cleavage
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
