Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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