i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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