I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
