Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
