I've blown a few things in my day
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
