Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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